No Food Allowed!
Bill
Kit Kat and I had decided to take in a film. In our pursuit of one-ups-manship we decided that a regular cinema was certainly not enough. We needed something bigger, grander, wider. After some research, we decided on an eye max. The maximum amount of sight your eyes can have. We jumped into the car and zipped on over to the Clark Planetarium to see a man about a movie.
Kit Kat
“Dragons: Real Myths and Unreal Creatures 3D” had been on my mind ever since I saw the trailer on my friend’s work computer. I could not have agreed more with the concept. Dragons were here before us and they will be here after us. That is what I tell Bill every time he leaves the house! I packed us up a bag of popcorn and swedish fish and shoved it in my backpack. I love seeing movies with Bill, especially movies about things i’m passionate about...like Dragons and Myths.
Bill
A myth Kit Kat and I had always found wanting was the “No food allowed in a theater” myth. As it turns out, this is no myth. It is a true fact. After purchasing our tickets, I casually snagged a swedish fish out of Kit Kat’s backpack… much to the horror of our teenaged ticket ripper. He coughed, adjusted his posture, worked up some courage, and confronted me. “Sir-” he began. “There’s your first mistake!” I retorted, “I’m a dragon!” Kit Kat and I both had a good laugh and attempted to make our way into the cavernous theater… only to be rebuffed by the pimply young man.
Kit Kat
To say that I was taken aback would be an understatement. To see my Dragon story I had to hand off my home packed snacks? This was ridiculous! Insulting! Unfair! However offended Bill and I were by the shifting of power from us to the acne clad tween, I gave in to make sure that I didn’t miss a minute of the Dragon tale. Little did mister movie master know, I also had a bologna sandwich in my overall pocket. We wrapped up the altercation as quickly as we could to make sure we got our prefered seats. Front row, far right.
Bill
Our seats were taken. This has never happened. An empty theater but for two other patrons in our preferred immersive seats. Grumbling, we slid into the second row, directly behind the other two patrons and tried to enjoy ourselves as best we could… It was no use. We simply couldn’t get comfortable without the full and free range of motion in our legs and the exact neck angle we get from furthest front and furthest right. I leaned over to Kit Kat (who was somehow eating a sandwich) and asked her if she wouldn’t mind chatting with our fellow patrons about a seat swap.
Kit Kat
No one loves confrontation like I do. I live for it. A chance to speak your mind and get your voice heard! It’s why I love being an American. When Bill asked me to try my communication skill on the seat stealers I knew I had to step up to the plate. The last time he tried to speak up he got his foot stomped in a CVS. So I put down my bologna in the cup holder and gently tapped the smaller of the two on the shoulder and simply said “ I know you don’t know me very well, and you don’t need to. I just need you to know how much I need to trade seats with you. It is imperative for me and my lovers happiness to have these very seats you seem to have helped yourselves to and I would appreciate a swift and simple swap”
Bill
A swift and simple swap was not in the cards. As it turns out the the smaller of the two was in fact a champion of mixed martial arts. She, ever coolheaded, went to see the planetarium attendant. We only knew about the mixed martial arts because of the big glitzy champion’s belt she was wearing. Hardly an efficient choice for those hip huggers she was wearing, but that’s neither here nor there. When the ticket-ripper/food tyrant came in and found Kit Kat and myself, it was, for him, the last straw. He quietly asked us to leave and offered us complimentary tickets for the next show. Kit Kat offered him a bite of sandwich.
Kit Kat
After a few choice words on everyone’s part...Bill and I will no longer be welcomed or interested in going back to the I max. Perhaps now is a good time to work on our home theater project we always talk about. We already have 4 lazy boy recliners in the living room, and a popcorn machine we won in a carnival raffle, so all we need now is a television set, and a film projector. Or I guess just one of these would do! I feel uneasy not having seen the dragon film experience but I know that there will be more in the future. Because dragons...are the future.